never play flip cup with pint glasses
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
