i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize