you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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