I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
