Moan for me like Helen Keller
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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