Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
