You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
