38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
