I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
