Someone shit on the floor
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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