So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
