My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
