PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
