My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
