I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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