Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
