Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
