Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
