Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
