He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
