do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
