It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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