Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Couch. On fire.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
