Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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