normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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