So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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