i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
