I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
