i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
