Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're too hungover to prance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
