She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
