just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
