I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
