we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
