Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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