So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
