Girls should come with a carfax report
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
