I wish my penis had an off switch
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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