The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
