I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you bring me the toilet please
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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