Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
