Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
