So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
