4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
