woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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