He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize