4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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