I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
