oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize