im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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