i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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