I want to stick my p in your. b.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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