Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
