I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
