i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Never underestimate the power of titties
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
