just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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