Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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