First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
