Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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