hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
