she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
