you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
