I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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