i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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