im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
false alarm, still single
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize