Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
