Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
