Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
