I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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