What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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