She said her name was "party"
I smell stomach acid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Found the puke drawer
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
