last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
