why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
